Holy Family Homily

On a certain level my mother and her siblings can seem rather cavalier in the care of their mother. This grandmother of mine is now a 97 year old great great grandmother who lives in a dusty village about an hour from the nearest hospital which means she is a two hour ambulance ride from this hospital. She is on an oxygen machine so every power outage is an adventure to get the generator running. She is wheelchair bound and has to shower in an old abattoir where she herself used to slaughter hogs that has since been converted into a bathroom. There is no A/C or heating system where she lives. Nevertheless, she loves it there as she is living in the home where she raised her children, a block away from the church where she got married, near the burial site of her husband, and lives next door to her son, my grandma’s favorite, who visits her everyday with the aid of a cane and his wife.

‍

‍

Today’s first reading contains the command “My son, take care of your father when he is old.” While very physically limited himself my uncle is fulfilling his duty as a son in the fullest way he can. While he does take care of his mother in a few practical ways, mainly by supervising the caretaker who lives with his mother, he basically just sits behind her everyday for a couple of hours. When she is alert she will chat with her son for a while recounting old stories, but most of the time she is out of it and other than greeting someone she never seems to be in the present. His sisters do likewise when they visit. They will chat away with each other with my grandmother there just smiling when she is alert enough to recognize that her daughters are there. My grandma just likes being in the room with her kids and grandkids even if most of the time she can’t do anything beyond recognize us.

‍

‍

“Grieve your father not as long as he lives. Even if his mind fail, be considerate of him; revile him not all the days of his life.” A sin that I have heard confessed frequently that I would have not been able to imagine on my own is the amount of distress and anger caused by the care of the elderly especially those who suffer from mental deterioration. Honestly I commend the people who even confess this because at the very least they are fulfilling the “take care of your father when he is old.” command from scripture. In this area there are a number of nursing homes and inside of them are many people who are not or rarely visited by their own family members. The most subtle form of reviling someone is just ignoring them and there are many reviled people in those nursing homes. While these nursing homes have reliable power, on site medical care, HVAC systems, and every mobility accommodation conceivable, nursing homes aren’t actually homes. They are generally devoid of those bonds to God, one’s past, and one’s ancestors that provide meaning and purpose to us as human beings as well as provide us with a familiar context in which to practice the love of God, neighbor, and self. My uncle and his sisters are able to provide all this to their mother and when the time comes I ask that God may provide me with the charity and wisdom to do the same for my parents.

‍

‍

Yesterday we celebrated the feast of St. John the Apostle and it is rather fitting that his feast is alongside that of the Holy Family. Although Jesus himself never really had the opportunity to take care of his parents in their old age, he did select St. John to care for his mother in her old age. In selecting John Jesus was able to provide her someone who connected her to God. St. John would have been the priest and bishop for our Blessed Mother. He would have provided her with spiritual nourishment as well as ensuring her biological nourishment. In selecting one of his apostles with whom Mary would have traveled alongside, Our Lord provided her with a connection to her own past life. A friend is another self and Christ chose his beloved disciple, his best friend, to care for his mother. This was the closest person to his very self with which he could provide her. While my mom and sisters did not hire a friend they have made the caretaker their friend. My uncle and his wife host my grandma's caretaker for coffee every morning and one of my aunts lodges her when she needs to go into town to buy medicine.

‍

‍

“Fathers, do not provoke your children, so they may not become discouraged” St. Paul tells us. My grandmother was a stern taskmaster in her younger years. So much so that two of her daughters once ambushed her by dropping an animal hide full of maggots on top of her. My grandmother was also a cheapskate, but despite these negative qualities they honor her and always kept in mind her virtues, her industriousness and ubiquitous gratitude.

‍

‍

The failures of one’s parents either present physical and mental ones or historical moral faults may dissuade their children from caring for them, but the imperative to honor and care for them remains regardless. And so it is incumbent upon you to help them maintain their relationship with God, their family, and their own past so that they can prepare themselves suitably for death.

‍